Where Has the Magic Gone? – A Conversation with Anthony Bourdain

K: Can I be honest with you about something?

A: I think you better be. (slouches and crosses an ankle over a knee)

K: The energy feels like molasses right now. I don’t know if that’s for everyone, but it certainly feels that way for me.

A: Sure. (nods) I think a lot of it has to do with anticipation…wait…scratch that. There’s a bit of a two-sided coin here. The first side…people are feeling that there is this personal and/or collective change right now…just out of reach but soon to arrive so it’s anticipation. The other side is more like…this shit is never ending.

K: Ah. Got it. Honestly, I flip between the two sides. (giving him a huge grin) How are you, Bourdain?

A: Never better. How are you.

K: Human.

A: (nods in agreement) That makes sense.

K: Let’s dig into this.

A: Love to.

K: I feel like with the side of the coin that I believe everyone so naturally flips to…the never-ending day to day that turns into the Groundhog Day that we all love and adore…

A: (grins and nods)

K: That there’s this question about where the magic has gone. The magic of life. I feel like people feel so inundated with the slog of life, the mundane, the why bother that they have trouble finding that magic right now.

A: It’s true. Your feelings are correct and I gotta say that I have been in that place many times. Look, I was this guy who liked food and cooked and traveled. I met so many people, I had friends, I had community…I had this lifestyle that a lot of people would want…in their own right. But I felt the same way. Is that selfish? Is that not noticing the magic of the opportunity that was my life? I don’t think so. I think I just got used to the have to. Things…when they become so dull and predictable tend to lose their magic even if you’re living what some people might consider “the dream”.

K: Then, as a collective or an individual, how can we find that magic again?

A: It would have to be the simplest thing. I mean, I can spew all the shit you want about it…the green of the trees…

K: It’s still white, brown and grey here.

A: I know. How fucking depressing. Work with me though.

K: Working.

A: I could get all spiritual or philosophical…or psychological and tell you to be mindful of everything. Notice the wonder of it all. (there’s a hint of humor in his voice) but when someone is on that side of the coin where it’s never-ending and they feel that they have done the necessary work to create magic, but there is not an end in sight to the constant dullness…that’s not going to work. That’s going to make a person pissed off and feel like they have more work to do to come to a standard of life that others are at that feels impossible. Magic will not return no matter how much mindfulness someone practices when they are in the constant revolving door of the mundane. I won’t even tell someone living their mundane to surrender which, you know, is probably the best thing that they can do but I’d never say that. It would come off as another impossible task of more work to be done.

K: Why’s that? Why attempt to surrender?

A: Because when you give up the game you give up the resistance. Magic…which is just another term for life in synchronistic motion, works best when the expectation of the game…the outcomes…just don’t matter. Also, if a person can’t see the magic…maybe it’s time to get vulnerable and look to something that can’t be validated like…whatever the rumor out there that exists…God, angels, guides…and ask for a little help. Asking for help to create magic is about that relationship that we’ve…(points to me and him) and a lot of others on this side of life…that we’ve been trying to show exists.

K: For sure. But not everyone believes that. There are so many that do not believe in the unseen. So, in saying that, what about the scientists…the logics?

A: Yeah…magic, for them, is in the science of things. What can be proven. For the logical minds out there…it’s going to be…(thinks) just take into account the human body. How it works down to the most minimal function…the cell splitting…the breathing…you know for some, breathing is extremely magical because if they can get in a full breath, that’s a win. When someone with diabetes can maintain their sugar levels…that’s a win. That’s magic. You know what I mean? The small wins of the body, if people want to get practical about it…that’s magic.

K: Totally.

A: For people that can’t buy gas for their car…I see the prices. I’m a bit stunned.

K: (laughing)

A: And find a twenty in their pocket to buy gas. That’s magic. Are they spiritual? Religious? No. They live the Groundhog Day and barely get by. That’s magic. You know? But it’s not called magic. It’s called a lucky coincidence. A happy outcome. A surprise. I can’t believe I forgot a twenty in this pocket…type of deal.

K: Tony…are you looking for some credit about dolling out a twenty to someone.

A: I am.

K: (sighs) Okay.

A: (smiles) I think people have to get rid of this idea that life needs to be grandiose to believe in something good coming.

K: What are your thoughts on shake ups…someone wanting a shake up to bring a little somethin’, somethin’ to life. Something new.

A: Yeah. I get it. Just to shake off the old and have something to look forward to.

K: Yes.

A: I mean…it’s a natural thing to want. Especially if you’ve been catering to other people’s needs for so long that you just wonder when it’s going to be your turn, you know? (he’s sitting in the chair totally laid back and chewing on a toothpick) Which, coincidentally, are the people who feel like they’re just living the Groundhog Day. These people have been catering to others for a long time, and they just want a change because they’re tired and they want something for them now. Not for others but for them.

K: How will that happen?

A: When you start to understand that you’re worth it. That you’re just as worth it as the next guy. That’s a big thing for someone who’s been a people pleaser their whole life…that’s a big thing to understand. That you’re just as worthy as the next guy to be served something on a silver or gold platter.

K: Totally. Absolutely.

A: Magic is an attitude. Magic is a mindset. Magic exists on the level that a person is willing to meet magic at and for people who feel like they’ve just been slugging through the molasses of energy, it’s difficult to find the magic in that dark, sweet syrup let alone meet it there.

K: It is.

A: And honestly, if there are a few months where a person can ‘t find the magic, it’s because they need to step away and just take a fucking break.

K: While still doing the daily grind?

A: By break, I really mean just release the expectations. Just change the focus a bit.

K: Can the tiniest shift in focus bring big results?

A: Changing focus is that pebble in the pond. The ripples do the work. To find magic in life…again…because people who are looking for it ultimately believe in its existence.

K: Yes.

A: Is making one (holds up one finger) change. It doesn’t matter what it is. A few years ago, you talked to Heath about changing stars.

K: I did. I take that talk in my back pocket everywhere I go.

A: There is no recipe to invite magic back in. It’s just a slight shift and with a slight shift in the action, the perspective shifts as well. Like…let’s say you always take a walk this way but today, you changed course and did it that way. It’s just a small shift but it creates the ripples. You know…when you toss the pebble in the pond the same way, the ripples do the same thing. What if one day, a person skipped the stone instead of just plunking it in the water. That’s the sort of thing I’m talking about.

K: For sure.

A: And if you’re complaining about the dullness of life to someone who struggles to breathe and believes that every breath that they can take…full breath is magical, then you’re just being an asshole.

K: (laughing hard) Every day is a blessing for sure. When you look at it like that. As a dead guy…

A: (chuckles) That’s me.

K: What is something that’s magical about life that you can see now? Just one small thing.

A: Hhhmmm…(thinks)

K: And don’t be obvious like a child’s laughter, or first love…first kiss…cats sleeping in the sun type crap.

A: Damn. I was going to be all obvious.

K: I know. So I stopped you before you started.

A: (thinks) I really enjoyed a good breakfast. I looked forward to a simple eggs and bacon sort of thing. It wasn’t all the time, but at the heart of who I was, I was pretty simplistic. I liked that first taste of coffee. Stuff like that. Looking back on it…that was pretty magical. I saw you eat your sweet potato with cheese. How long have you been looking forward to trying that?

K: A very long time.

A: And…

K: It was friggin’ magical.

A: There you go. You looked forward to doing it. You actually got the will and way to try it, and it was magical. That’s all it takes.

K: I think people have a hard time finding the magic in the simple things.

A: They do. Because magic…when you look at the word or feel the word around in your mouth…it feels bigger than just the regular day to day. But when a person can release the thought or the expectation about what magic looks like and see it in the smallest thing…it happens. People need to change how they see magic. Magic isn’t a thing. It’s a feeling.

K: Wow. Yes!!! That’s feels so much better to me. Maybe we, as humans, get wrapped up in this idea that having magic in life is having something tangible like a thing when really, magic is the feeling produced from anything.

A: And the feeling is created when you can find wonder in life. I didn’t feel wonder. I kept travelling to the ends of the earth to find that wonder again and it was presented to me in so many ways but with everything going on in my life that I was taking deeply to heart, I couldn’t see it. Magic starts with the person. It doesn’t start and end with a journey…a fuckin’ road you have to travel to find yourself. You already have it. Sometimes it’s just soaked in dark and thick syrup.

K: Yes. (staring at him and smiling) You’re so good.

A: I know I am.

K: (laughing)

A: There is support there in the physical for people but sometimes the last thing you need to hear is that you have to do more work to find magic. To find meaning. Maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe the search is what’s blocking it and when you search for it, you ignore that it’s the glasses on top of your head.

K: You’re amazing.

A: I’m not amazing. I’m honest…to a fault.

K: I appreciate that though. By the way, thanks for befriending the boy.

A: The boy is easy to befriend. He’s like his mother.

K: Somewhat. He’s his own person, which I very much appreciate.

A: Yeah. That doesn’t happen very often these days.

K: You’re right. It does not. I love you. Thank you for being the magic for me.

A: Yeah. Well, you can be magic for me too. A connection like this doesn’t happen with anyone. Keep that in mind.

K: I’ll keep it at heart.

A: Even better. I’ll go see what that boy is doing.

K: Ah…(sighs) the ultimate babysitter.

A: See you later, shmooz.

K: For sure, shmoozer.

A: Love you, kid.

K: Love you.